elephant trunks vs unicorn horns

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“Unicorns, harrumph! What’s a unicorn got that we elephants don’t? Sure, an alicorn, but that thing just looks cumbersome. The weight and the angle of it must cause those poor beasts terrible headaches. A trunk, now there’s a handy appendage. Breathing, picking stuff up, smelling things, making trumpet noises, and it even works as a hose. The possibilities are endless! What’s an alicorn do? It just gets you rumors about stabbing virgins and the next thing you know you can’t find any unicorns anywhere.”